unPhiltered: Recovery Royalty

Recovery Royalty

In January 2026, at 8:00 am, I sat in the back of a church basement, settling under the cozy, warm blanket of an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. I relished the comfort and safety of the AA meeting, even after 38 years. Soon, I focused on the man who confidently strode to the front of the room and opened the meeting. His eyes were full of light, his face warm and exceptionally kind. He smiled broadly, eyes twinkling as he recited the instructions from memory. No script needed.

I thought to myself, “If you put a crown and robe on this dude, he’d be recovery royalty.”

I pictured him dressed that way. Or maybe an old tape of an Imperial Margarine commercial surfaced in my consciousness.  I heard, “Flavor fit for a king. Or queen.” Wait, did you just hear a bugle too? I digress…

What comes to mind when you think of “recovery royalty”?  I asked a few people while I’ve been drafting this, and their responses fascinated me, which only encouraged me to write about it. Since then, I’ve pondered the term “recovery royalty” and why it seemed significant. And why it bugged me.

Some words I associate with royalty are majesty, elegance, and nobility, as Merriam-Webster (the dictionary) confirms. Incredible characteristics to aspire to, aren’t they? I wonder whether these traits can be cultivated or are they qualities bestowed on someone unbeknownst to them? (I’m feeling particularly clever in my advanced years, using words like bestowed and unbeknownst).

Majesty. Majesty conveys power and presence (as in the purple mountain’s majesty). Why do mountains inspire us? What is majestic about a mountain? Majesty implies an elite status, something to look up to. Yet, I found recovery to be a remarkable leveler of the playing field. Before I found recovery, I stood on a rung of life’s invisible ladder, either higher or lower than the next person. Recovery changed all that. Now, I see us all standing on the same ground. Yet, the host of the 8 am AA meeting had a certain something I admired. 

Elegance. Gracious, kind, confident –words that immediately come to mind when I think of elegance. I feel that elegant people flow through life. Do you know anyone who flows through life?    

Nobility. To me, nobility implies leadership with integrity. Leadership is assumed, not to serve themselves, but to serve others.  They are the good kings and queens. 

Humility. Can your king or queen be humble? Yes. Definitely yes. The paradox of recovery royalty is that the people we see as part of it don’t often know it. And if they are fully aware of how they are perceived, they accept it and use their power to love, serve, and care for others. 

Spirituality. Simply, Recovery Royalty shines with spirit. Their beings are power-full, their energy is one of attraction. Their auras exude light. I swear, sometimes I can see it. The AA guy mentioned earlier seemed lit up.   

I guess that’s it, Recovery Royalty is spiritual in nature. Becoming Recovery Royalty is not a title one acquires. It just happens. This quality is not dependent on the time in recovery, although most are in long-term recovery. It’s not based on material wealth either; it is centered on spiritual wealth. 

What bugs me? 

I believe some people in the recovery community present themselves as royalty, but they are not. They may think they are majestic, elegant, noble, humble, and spiritual, but I don’t see it. In fact, I see many unchecked egos and self-wills run riot. That’s one reason I significantly reduced my time on social media. Recovery “personalities,” craving attention, flooded my feed.

They use their “status” to speak eloquently about issues such as politics, foreign affairs, economics, and the environment. It’s remarkable how many people on social media claim to be experts. We all have opinions, and social media algorithms respond deviously to ours. When a slight bias shows up, our feed will push us toward extremes, dividing and isolating us. Hmmm. That sounds a lot like the disease.

I am saddened by how many people in long-term recovery have fallen victim to social media feeds. I had hoped people in long-term recovery would be more aware.

Early in my recovery, I was asked, “Phil, would you rather be happy or right?” Back then I was way more snottier than I am now, and I defiantly replied, "BOTH"! Over the years, I've lost my need to be right. My being right is not important. At all.

Think. Think. Think.  And ponder these questions.

Would a renowned recovery personality with a gazillion social media followers be recovery royalty in your eyes?

Would a celebrity in recovery worth millions of dollars be recovery royalty?

Would a top-tier politician in recovery?

I can answer those questions, for me. I’d say, “It depends.” I read in one of John Maxwell’s books that a leader's number one goal is to create other leaders. A true leader is not based on the number of followers. In my view, recovery royalty is not concerned about who’s following. They don’t seek attention, but they do serve others. Recovery royalty helps others lead happy, joyous, and free lives.

Like theirs.